Empathy Should Not Require You to Disappear
November 2026
Empathy is one of the most powerful tools a leader can possess.
It allows us to listen differently.
To understand what someone may be experiencing.
To recognize that there is often more happening beneath the surface than we can see.
But for leaders who are accustomed to being everyone else’s champion, empathy can quietly become something else.
You listen ... and take responsibility for fixing.
You understand ... and excuse behavior that needs to be addressed.
You recognize someone else's needs ... and immediately put your own aside.
At some point, understanding another person becomes abandoning yourself.
That isn't the purpose of empathy.
Empathy Doesn't Require Agreement or Absorption
The E in the M.O.R.E.™ Mindset Empathetic Engagement is about our ability to see, understand, and engage others while remaining grounded in who we are and what the situation requires.
That means I can understand why you're frustrated without accepting disrespect.
I can care about what you're experiencing without making it mine to fix.
I can listen to what you need without automatically deciding that your need takes priority over mine.
And I can have compassion for you while still holding you accountable.
That's empathy with boundaries.
And for many high-performing leaders, it requires a shift.
Because when you've spent years being the person who makes things better for everyone else, simply understanding someone's experience can trigger the urge to do something about it.
But sometimes the most empathetic response isn't rescuing.
It's listening. It's asking a better question.
It's allowing someone else to wrestle with the problem long enough to discover what they're capable of.
That's not withholding support. That's leadership.
The Whole-Person Truth
This pattern doesn't belong only at work.
Think about the relationships in your life.
How often have you understood someone else's circumstances so well that you talked yourself out of naming what you needed?
"They're going through a lot."
"This isn't the right time."
"I don't want to add anything else to their plate."
Empathy for someone else's experience doesn't make your experience less valid.
You get to exist in the relationship, too.
Which brings us back to our question.
What Do You Deserve?
You deserve relationships where empathy moves in both directions.
You deserve to care deeply without carrying everything.
You deserve to understand someone else's needs without disappearing from your own.
And you deserve to lead with a full heart, without emptying yourself in the process.
THIS MONTH'S LEADERSHIP LESSON
Empathy isn't taking responsibility for someone else's experience. It's understanding their experience well enough to respond with intention.
CALL TO ACTION
This month, notice one moment when empathy pulls you toward rescuing, fixing, or putting your needs aside.
Before acting, pause and ask:
"What does this person need from me and what is actually theirs to own?"
Listen. Engage. Support.
But don't automatically carry.
Because empathetic leadership isn't about doing everything for everyone.
It's about caring enough to help people become capable of doing more for themselves.
~ Dr. Kym
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